Somewhere On the Line Between Sane and Insane
by AnnCarter
Summary: Post season 2 finale, "Broken Hearts". While Alex is in surgery, Charlie tries to find a way for "sane" and "ghosts seer" to work out.


_All rights for Saving Hope are CTV's._

He wasn't insane.

That's, at least, what Charlie had been telling himself ever since he saw Pamela after waking up from his coma. He wasn't insane. He couldn't have been insane. There was no way in hell that _he _could have ever been insane.

Standing inside the operating room and staring into the love of his life's eyes, Charlie thought he was either wrong, or this was one hell of a nightmare.

"Charlie, we could use your help." It was Dawn's voice, cutting his thoughts off.

"Charlie?" Alex's voice was somewhat of a hoarse, shocked whisper.

"Charlie!" Dawn's tone was urgent. For a moment he thought he must have gone back in time to the time in which he and Dawn were still married and were about to get divorced.

Maggie was the one who woke him up. Leaving Alex for a brief second, she turned his head towards her. "Charlie, do you want to help Alex?" She asked, her voice dead serious. In the back of his mind, Charlie thought that she must have learned quite a lot from her boyfriend.

"Yes." He coughed, returning his voice to usual. "Yes." Walking after Maggie, who immediately returned to help Dawn, he stopped by Alex's unconscious body and put on gloves. "What can I do to help?"

Maggie moved aside slightly, clearing some room for him to stand. He followed Dawn's instructions automatically, not even paying attention to what he was doing. He was a surgeon for so long now that he didn't need to pay attention. His hands and his subconscious mind knew what to do well enough even without investing more cognitive skills in the work.

"Suction." Dawn's voice was calm. She knew exactly what she was doing. "How's her BP?"

Charlie looked up at the screen. "Seventy five-fifty, holding."

"More blood," she ordered. "Doctor Lin, keep it steady." Maggie nodded briefly. "Charlie, hold that," she continued as she slowly fixed Alex's injuries. "Suction. Thank you."

Even though he was completely involved in the surgery, Charlie's mind was away. One step at a time, he tried to weigh all the evidence he had to try and determine whether or not he really was insane. On the one hand, he didn't believe that everything that's happened to him in the past year could have been real, so it had to have been created by his mind. On the other hand, the drugs didn't work, the ghosts told him things he couldn't have possibly known, and he was seeing Alex now.

That certainly wasn't his best day.

"Charlie?" Alex's voice was quiet. He couldn't feel her, not physically, but he could sense she was closer to him now. She was watching her surgery, wide eyed.

"Get Shahir on the phone," He ordered, not looking up. One of the nurses hurried to do as he said. "Ask him if talking to Alex would help keeping her here even if she's unconscious." The nurse turned to do so. Hearing the long silence, Charlie added, "Short answer."

"Yes." She replied eventually.

His hands still in the surgery, Charlie's mind turned to handle his ex-fiancée. "Alex. I know this is scary." He spoke in his most confident, soothing voice. "You're unconscious." From the corner of his eye, he could see Dawn raising her eyebrows, but he didn't care. "Dawn, Maggie and I are doing your surgery. You've lost a lot of blood, but you're going to be alright. Dawn is one of the best surgeons in the hospital if not in the country."

"So this is my surgery?" Her voice was quiet. He nodded briefly, supposedly to himself. "Why can you see me?"

_Because I'm insane_, he wanted to tell her.

"Charlie?" He still couldn't reply. "Gavin said you weren't seeing people anymore."

_Because I wasn't._

"Charlie?"

He took a deep breath before replying as quietly as he could, trying not to be heard by either Dawn or Maggie. "I don't know."

"You don't know?"

He knew Alex wanted a better answer, but the truth was he didn't have any better answer to give her. He wasn't seeing ghosts, not since he overdosed in the morgue. He thought he finally managed to rid himself of that curse. After talking to Randall, Charlie really thought he could finally return to his normal life. But all that was before Alex was stabbed. A little over a year after his first experience between two worlds, Charlie found himself dangerously close to crossing the line from the world of sanity to the world of insanity.

"Charlie." It was Dawn once again.

"Yeah." He reacted quickly, again working automatically.

"Charlie?" Alex's voice was quiet.

How could he possibly explain to her how he was seeing her, when he himself didn't know? How was it possible that he was both the best surgeon in the hospital and not completely sane? How was it possible that he was seeing spirits when he didn't even believe spirits existed? How could he answer any question she had when he couldn't answer the most significant question he had – whether or not he was sane?

"Alright, that's it." Dawn moved back. "Doctor Lin, do the stitches."

"Wait." Charlie cut her off before she could. He made sure Dawn didn't miss anything before allowing Maggie to stitch Alex. Seeing what he was doing, Dawn raised her eyebrows.

"You don't trust me to do my job anymore, Charlie?" She asked dryly.

He didn't reply. He remained by Alex's side, watching Maggie quietly. He watched her every move, making sure she makes no mistakes. He couldn't lose Alex, especially not because of human error.

"Take her to the ICU," He said as she finished. He washed his hands and arms slowly, remaining alone by the operating room and doing his best not to run up to the ICU. If Alex was still around – which he hoped she wasn't – they needed to talk.

"Charlie." Her voice was so quiet he could barely hear it. He turned to her, looking completely shocked. "How is that even possible?"

"I don't know," He replied, his voice just as quiet. "Either I'm insane or I still haven't woken up from this nightmare I was having."

"It's real."

"I know." He desperately wanted to believe it wasn't, but it had to have been real. He felt it was real. "So there's only one option left."

"You're insane?"

"I'm insane."

"You don't look insane."

His blue eyes met her green ones. "I don't feel sane."

"But this is real, isn't it?" He had never seen her than scared. The only thing he wanted to do that moment was to warp his arms around her and hug her, the only thing he couldn't actually do. "I really am here. You really see me."

"Yeah."

"Then how can you be insane?"

"How can I be sane?" He retorted.

"Charlie." Her voice was serious, but he could see compassion in her eyes.

"I don't know." He stopped himself right before sighing. "I'm going up to see how you are. If anything happens, you should come." He turned towards the doors. "In the meanwhile, I'll try to find a way all this can make sense."

He turned to leave, but stopped right before opening one of the doors. "Don't be afraid, Alex." His voice was soft and loving. He couldn't show her just how scared he was of all that happened in the past few hours. "You're going to be okay."

"Charlie? I love you." She said quietly.

He wished he could hold her or kiss her, but he couldn't, so he did the only thing he could. "I love you too," He said just as quietly before leaving to find her body.


End file.
